Roundtrip or Backflip?
(Or how guilt tripping leads you nowhere fast)
I’ve mentioned today’s subject in my previous post. Guilt is just a part of life to most of us. To make one thing perfectly clear: Whenever we feel guilty because we actually did something wrong, we right our wrongdoing and ask forgiveness when needed!! However, it’s human, almost natural, to have feelings of guilt now and then, without an actual reason except our own (misguided?) beliefs. We just have to be careful to not let us be overwhelmed by it and follow a path that leads to a dead end. It’s a trip hardly anyone survives without inner scars, caused by the confliction it produces.
I’m specifically saying it’s ‘almost’ natural, since we tend to let us rule by our emotions and feelings. If we would act levelheaded each and every time, guilt would probably have a much smaller place in our life. But no. It usually kind of lives in our mind rent free. Bugger.
I’m no robot. My soul is touched by what I see and hear and by what I perceive as confrontational. My mind and heart are game too and like mirrors, they’re reflecting my flaws and weaknesses et voilá, guilt arises. Either slowly creeping in or simply crashing down on me, the results are the same.
Whereas the above feelings of guilt can be triggered by external factors, the ones I lay upon myself can hit even harder. Because who’s to blame for that, except…me? Oh but I don’t want to play the blaming game because I’m bound to lose and that won’t sit well with me lol. And oh yeah, I’m really freakin tired of feeling guilty about how I feel ya know.
Me being the cause of my own guilty feelings is the worst in my opinion. There’s no quicker way to down-spiral, no faster way to run this trip to a definite dead end. BUT: 1️⃣ Where do those feelings originate from? 2️⃣ What is their feeding ground? 3️⃣ Will I ever stop feeling guilty?
1️⃣ ACTION 🔄 REACTION
Their actions, my actions. They can both be a cause to how I feel today, this minute. This in itself is a reaction even if it’s a ‘passive’ one. If those feelings are of the positive, happy kind, it’s to be expected my ‘active’ reaction will be accordingly. Same goes the other way around when actions lead to feelings of negativity, making me react poorly, resulting in…(feelings of) guilt.
“If only I could manage my feelings” you say? Ah but You Can! You know you can if you put in the effort. Aren’t you worth the work? Aren’t we all worth it to make the right choices in life? Sure I can tell you it’s hard work no cap, but you know as well as I do, nothing worth anything comes without a price. I’m not saying I’ve never experienced disappointment, loss, heartbreak or whatever negative feelings. I’m sure you can read about some of it here if you search the menu 😉
It’s all about HOW I Cope with those feelings to begin with. As they say, they either break me or make me and I don’t like me breaking much. Sure, at first cracks will appear and breaking cannot always be avoided, but the mending should commence ASAP. Aight do I sound like a bit of a control freak right now? Heck yeah, I already admitted to being one. And as much as I know Who’s Really in Control of my life, He (yes, God) also teaches me to be in control of my feelings. There’s ALWAYS room for grief of any kind for as long as I want, but I will choose healing almost immediately alongside. It may not be instant, but it’s possible. I’m telling ya.
So me guilt tripping and me being VERY aware of it is because I’ve already chosen to get my butt the heck outta there. And with every new wave of guilt that’s trying to hit me I’m putting my foot down, CHOOSING to break the cycle and give room to healing. Because I tire of feeling guilty really fast. Sounds easy enough right? Whahaha. I Dare You to try it. Work For It. You’re Worth It.
2️⃣ EVALUATION 🔄 MODULATION
So we Evaluate a situation/action and then Modulate (adjust/accommodate) our response accordingly. But from what perspective do we evaluate? If my starting point is wrong, then I’m most likely not going in the right direction. Unless I’m a cheater taking a shortcut, risking getting lost in the process. Nu-uh. My evaluation isn’t about to perish in the death pool of my emotions, insecurities, frustrations and whatever more, it’s pulled out by something called, help.
ASK a second opinion, USE a shoulder to lean on, SCREAM your frustration to the heavens, FIND a quiet place to recover, PRAY with all your heart! DO whatever you need to get through those first moments (days, weeks?) of distress. Then make up your mind to take the right lane and bypass all that is keeping you from Not Feeling Guilty. If the world can just-do-it, if I can do it, so can you.
I don’t want to modulate my responses to accommodate feelings of guilt, or any other negative feelings. As a matter of fact, it’s my feelings I want to modulate (properly adjusted), to not finish at a dead end, but to proceed, prosper and grow. And yes this does not only work towards feelings of guilt, it’s only because I’ve been dealing a lot with this lately. I daresay this will work in general.
Don’t expect your feelings to ‘listen’ to you straight away. They’ve probably had free reign for a long time and have to get used to be working under new management 😉, but if you persevere, you’ll succeed. In a way it’s all about our habits and it has been proven we humans are able to change our habits after a 21 day streak of getting with the program.
3️⃣ ROUNDTRIP OR BACKFLIP?
You’ll have to take the backflip figuratively, unless you can actually perform them of course. What I’m saying is: what will you choose the next time guilt comes knocking at your brain trying to invade your soul? Will you and I ever stop feeling guilty? Ah. Nope. However, I’m aiming to save my highly valued energy for better things, rather than to waste it in feeling guilty when I really don’t have to. I’ll back-the-flip outta there and return to the road I’m supposed to be following. The guilt trip is taking me nowhere fast, and I need to be places!
Do Right By Anyone Who Deserves It. THAT INCLUDES YOU!
Thnx for reading, I’m NOT feeling guilty for taking up your time. See y’all soon 💕